Dear Grandparents and Special Friends,
I’m writing this on Tuesday, November 15, in my office on a rather chilly late afternoon in Menlo Park. The campus is starting to quiet; I can see a few kids from the Extended Care Program with their parents walking past my windows, backpacks slung over their shoulders. Grandparents and Special Friends Day is later this week, Thanksgiving is nine days away, and it’s a reflective time for me.
Grandparents and Special Friends Day is likely my favorite day of the year at Trinity. There’s something unique about it, and it’s challenging to encapsulate in brief, but let me explain.
To me, it’s all about stories and legacy. That’s not to say it’s the same feeling for everyone - I’m just speaking for myself here - nevertheless, it’s worth considering. I’m a grandfather of a two-year-old granddaughter, one on the way in December and another in March. Becoming a grandfather of three has made me think, and reflect, upon Grandparents and Special Friends Day in a new way.
As a parent, I feel content. My daughter, who is 36, loved nature, hiking, and public lands growing up. Now she works as a development officer at the Nature Conservancy, helping preserve public lands. My son, who is 33, had a relentless focus and love for all forms of public transportation when he was young - he couldn’t get enough of it and still doesn’t have a driver’s license. He is working on his Ph.D., and his dissertation revolves around public transportation in the Bay Area. And my other son, age 30, who has forever loved baseball, is always asking me to take a trip with him to see the Cubs at Wrigley Field in Chicago, the Dodgers at Dodger Stadium, or the Cardinals at Busch Stadium in St. Louis. Coincidences? I don’t think so. That’s legacy, and there are rich, deep stories connected to all three of those vignettes.
What does that have to do with being a Grandparent? For me, it primarily concerns the stories we hold together for generations. And our legacy. Big and small family stories develop over the years with our children, whether they revolve around baseball, public transportation, or public lands. Will my grandchildren hear those stories from their parents? I imagine, and hope, they will. So, I carry the desire to pass along the family stories at the right time, so the family legacy continues. So, as grandparents, are you telling and retelling those stories? Will your stories and legacy get passed along through the generations?
And what about Special Friends? Let me explain why you are important to the Trinity student you’re visiting.
In 2018, my father passed away. He was a firefighter in San Francisco and lived a full life. If you know anything about firefighters, especially from my father’s generation, you know their lives revolved around other firefighters and their families. More people than I ever imagined appeared at my father’s services at a church in Potrero Hill in San Francisco. The church was overflowing, and there wasn’t enough room for everyone.
While that staggered me, what was most impactful were the conversations I had at the reception that followed in the basement of the church. Many of his fireman colleagues, who I hadn’t seen in at least 45 years, approached me one by one and pulled me to the side of the hall. I remembered them - they were my special friends. That’s not hyperbole; they, indeed, were my special friends. They sat on the fire truck outside the left field fence and watched my baseball games. We had Thanksgiving in the firehouse, raucous beach barbeques, and camping trips on their days off. When they pulled me aside at the reception, their words were few, but they wanted to tell me how much my father cared for me and cared for others. A few of them mixed in a story or two, but their words were sparse. I remembered and recognized them like I was ten again - they were special friends then and still were 50 years later. So I ask you, as special friends, how will you be remembered? What stories and love will you pass on to the Trinity student you’re visiting?
I fully realize this missive is myopic and focused on my experience. Nevertheless, I hope it has value. These are the things I think about today, as the sun has now set, that I never thought about years ago as a child and young parent. I encourage you, as Grandparents, to keep thinking about your legacy and your stories that will bridge the generations. As special friends, I encourage you to nurture your relationship with the friend you are visiting today. It makes all the difference, even if we don’t realize it until later in life.
Matt Allio
Head of School
